Day 223: A much-needed lesson in motherhood

I'm a bit of a movie nut. Looking back, I've learned some of life's most important lessons from movies. Schindler's List, of course, showed me the importance of fighting against the tides and doing the right thing. Not that I always do it, but at least I know that I should. Shawshank Redemption, an all-time favourite, taught the value of hope and friendship. The Breakfast Club showed me how to apply lipliner with my near non-existant cleavage (ah, I miss those baby boobs). And last night we watched a movie which, surprisingly, can be added to this list: Click. To be honest, The Waterboy and Little Nicky were a fatal combination for me in terms of my appreciation of Adam Sandler. But I gave this one a try on the recommendation of a girlfriend and I'm glad I did. It had some words of wisdom on parenting that I needed to hear.

I should interject here to say that, like many new moms, my experience with motherhood has not been all roses. Anybody who knows me at all knows that much. I remember in the first few months people would always say, "Oh enjoy this time, it goes so quickly." And I would think, enjoy what? What could possibly be enjoyable about this? The constant crying? The lack of sleep? The roller coaster hormones? I couldn't wait to hit the six-month mark, at which time it was all supposed to get easy (another myth, by the way). Even now there are still times when I find myself thinking I can't wait till she can walk, or talk, or pay rent. I feel vaguely guilty about this, because it's like I'm wishing away her childhood, which of course is not what I want, and I do realize that each age will come complete with its own set of problems. I guess I just have a tendency to let the problems overwhelm the good parts, and I forget that even the hardships are worth living. And that's what the movie - which I would recommend to any parent feeling overwhelmed by life with kids - reminded me. Sometimes even the obvious needs pointing out. Believe me, it's a lesson I'm drawing on right now as I sit typing with my earplugs in while Maddie cries it out in her crib. I thought we had moved past the whole CIO thing; apparently I was wrong.

I think a lot of my struggles with motherhood come from the fact that I don't really relate to babies all that well. I tend to think of Maddie as just a really small person with limited abilities and a strange sense of fashion. In some ways that can be a good thing, but it also can cause a lot of frustration. I am desperate for her to make sense, the way an adult does; for action and reaction, for forward progress. And we do have a bit of that now, but it always seems to be 2 steps forward and one leap back, so I'm never quite sure where we're going to end up. She's doing the best she can, developing her little personality and getting used to this life of hers. I guess the challenge for me is just to live in the moment, with no expectations and no timetables.

Well, the crying has reached the 30 minute mark and is showing no signs of letting up, which means it's time to end her stay in the torture chamber. My girl, she's a drama queen already!