Day 285: The things nobody ever tells you

With Maddie's first birthday just a couple of months away and my return to work quickly approaching, I've been prompted to reflect over this past year. This crazed, chaotic, confusing, challenging, wonderful year. And when all is said and done I have to say, I feel a bit like I was duped. Nobody thinks that having a baby is easy. But when you think about the hard parts, what specifically comes to mind? I'm going to guess that the labour and delivery tops your list. Then maybe the sleep deprivation, the breastfeeding, the crying, teething, potty training. These were all on my list, too. But it turns out there's a lot going on here that I had no clue about. So I've decided to let the cat out of the bag. Here are some of the things nobody ever told me - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Eating. This sounds like a pretty basic one, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Until it was time to start feeding Maddie actual food. First of all, when do you start? You're "supposed to" start solids at 6 months in order to avoid food allergies. I started at 4 months. She was crying so much I was convinced a good meal would make her happy. Then, what do you feed them? What do you do when they refuse to eat? What if they will only eat peaches and throw a mini fit when you try to slip a green bean or two in there? What about when they start refusing breastmilk or formula 4 months before the book (oh, that damn book!) tells you they should stop?

And then there's sleeping. I think we're all prepared to go a few months without sleep. But sometimes those few months stretch into a year. And then there are the babies who sleep wonderfully... as long as they're snuggled cosily in between mom and dad in the big bed. Or they start crawling and subsequently forget how to go to sleep. And then they learn to stand up in their crib and from then on refuse to do anything but. These last two are what we're dealing with now. Our poor, sweet baby standing in her crib and shrieking - tears and all - for over an hour at every nap time! It's enough to break your heart. Or at least give you a splitting headache and a suitably guilty conscience.

There is a plethora of other unexpected condundrums: getting your baby to use a sippy cup instead of a bottle; getting her to sleep without an extended nightly routine of bottle, rocking, bouncing, jiggling, shushing; determining whether her awful mood is because of teething, a cold, an ear infection, or just a plain old bad day. And worst of all is the guilt that seems to be born at that same moment your baby is, and that question looming always in the back of your mind: "Am I doing this right?"

In case I've scared you senseless with all of this, let's move onto the good. Thankfully the difficult times are balanced by some unexpected joys. Like when your little girl reaches out and shares her dinner with you - never the blueberries, mind you, those are hers alone. Or when you put your favourite song on and she starts bouncing up and down and you get your first glimpse of the little dancer she is sure to become. Or when you walk into her bedroom in the morning and she greets you with the biggest, most joyful and honest smile - as if you've been away for months instead of just a night. And of course, the complete rush of pride you feel at her littlest accomplishments: transferring a Cheerio from one hand to another becomes a monumental feat. Banging two blocks together seems the equivalent of an entire symphony performing Beethoven. These moments surpass almost every achievement in my own life. At times they seem bigger than everything else combined.

And the other bit of good news, which I am learning as we go, is that you do survive it. Whatever particular challenge you're facing might seem like it rates among the biggest problems in the world at the time, but a week later you'll be over it and on to the next thing. And though you may not believe it, you are doing it right. We all are. We're doing it right by doing it the best we can.

Now if somebody could just remind me of this later today when she's refusing to sleep and I'm full of self-doubt...