Day 529: Road rules

Here is something about me that perhaps you didn’t know: I don’t talk on my cell phone while driving. I'd like to say that this is because I am responsible and don’t want to be distracted from the road, but in truth I know it is because 90% of the time my cell phone is lying uncharged and abandoned at the bottom of the diaper bag. So it might be more accurate to say that I don't talk on my cell phone period. But that's beside the point.

During a drive to the mall with Mads the other day (our weekly pilgrimage to the holy land), I realized that in terms of distraction, talking on the phone would be the least of my concerns. In the course of a trip I sing, I dance, I tickle, I play, I feed, I soothe… oh, and I drive, too. The funny thing is that it has all become second nature to me. I didn’t even realize I was doing any of it until I found myself sitting stalled at a green light while I finished off the actions to Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Then I started paying attention and realized just how much effort these little drives of ours require. But surely I'm not the only mom doing this stuff:

• fishing through the diaper bag to find a snack, opening said snack, and passing it over my head to my backseat passenger


• locating the sippy cup, spilling the contents all over myself, rethreading the lid, and handing it back to Mads


• Performing the actions for a wide variety of songs, from Itsy Bitsy Spider to I’m a Little Teacup
(admittedly the seatbelt gets in the way when I reach the “tip me over and pour me out” part)

• Using the pause of a red light for a quick game of “headrest peek-a-boo”


• Performing an ongoing monologue (as she's not the best conversationalist) detailing every inch of the scenery - "Maddie, see the bus? Those kids are going to school! You'll be going to school one day (inside voice: hallelujah!). Oooh! A bird! Look at that silly bird. What does that bird say? He says 'Caw! Caw!' Hey, see that mailbox? Wow, pretty red mailbox...."


• Headbanging along with Maddie to the sounds of Bananaphone
(headbanging is her newest thing, she rocks out)

• Performing the signature mom move: a blind, one-handed retrieval of lost and abandoned toys/books/blankets/snacks on the floor directly behind me (only to have the returned item heaved overboard yet again)

I could go on, but you get the point, I’m sure. No wonder I'm exhausted when we reach our destination! And I can only imagine it gets worse when you have more than one kid and you have to add refereeing backseat fights to your litany of driving tasks. Yes, it seems the days of leisurely trips - much like the days of two-piece swimsuits and daily showers - are far behind me.

Suffice to say, those backseat dvd players - you know, the ones my pre-baby self said I would never use because my kid would know better than to whine in the car, and besides that wouldn't even be interested in such trivial things as television - are starting to look like a pretty good option.