Day 565: A list

Here are a few signs that you may be spending too much time in the company of people under the age of 3. This is far from a complete list, your additions are welcome!

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  When the guy standing next to you at Starbucks drops his coffee you point at him and say “UH Ooooh!”
  
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  You catch yourself looking in the mirror and wondering if Dora’s hairstyle would look good on you.
  
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  You’re in a crowded room and someone passes gas. Instead of being discreet you sniff loudly and ask, “Did somebody make a poopy pants?”
  
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  You go to the lingerie shop and are disappointed to find they don’t carry adult fuzzy suits. They just seem so comfy!
  
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  Your answer to the question, “What did you do this weekend?” somehow veers into a monologue on why Uniqua is clearly the funniest of all the Backyardigans.
  
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  On your way out the door you notice your shirt is crusted with chocolate pudding. You think, “Oh good, it’s not poo,” and go out anyways.
  
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  You find yourself stopping to clap at inappropriate times – like when you see somebody eating a vegetable or when a bus drives by. It’s awkward.
  
• 
  You bring Goldfish crackers to a wine and cheese party. (And eat half the bag on the drive there.)
  
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  When you see someone who is sad you sneak up and try to tickle them. Turns out not everybody likes to be tickled by random strangers. Who knew?
  

Luckily, there is a remedy. It’s called wine.

Happy hump day!