Day 338: Sniffles & Snuggles

So it is officially my St. Patrick's Day resolution to post more frequently - at least twice a week. My New Years' Resolutions are already shot, so I figured I'd try again.

It's 8:00pm. The baby is sleeping. The husband is out. I am on the couch with a big glass of wine, some take-out sushi, my laptop and the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars. (Is it just me or has Steve Sanders gotten better looking? Did I just date myself terribly? I might as well admit I still watch the reruns of 90210 on the weekends.) Anyways, back to the present. I have to say that one thing I miss about my pre-baby life (anyone out there keeping a list?) is time alone in my own home. I love hanging out with Fernando and Maddie, but this is such a luxury.

I don't know how long this bliss will last tonight, because poor Maddie is sick and I am half-expecting her to cough herself awake. I don't expect much sympathy - this is our first illness, so we've been pretty lucky. She is such a trooper, though - despite her stuffed up little nose, she's not complaining much at all. In fact, before she went to sleep tonight we had a bit of a lovefest, she and I. I have always wished she was more of a cuddler; sometimes I try to force her into it, but she keeps hitting me in the face until I eventually give up. But tonight we had a breakthrough - she was burying her face in my neck, laughing, pressing her little mouth against mine. Maybe it's that she's sick and her defences are down. Maybe it's that I was also throwing her up in the air in between cuddles. Maybe it's the result of regular doses of Tylenol and Dimetap. I don't care, I'll take it.

I went through such hell those first several months, worrying that I would never be any good at this motherhood stuff. Turns out I'm just really not a newborn person. I don't get the whole squished up, gassy, screaming thing. But now... she is just becoming such a little person, I love it. She still makes me crazy, but she also makes me laugh. She amazes me with how much she's learning, she melts my heart with how much she loves us. I'm smack in the middle of a mushy mommy moment; I definitely intend to enjoy it while it lasts!


PS - I started writing this blog for myself. It was therapeutic, a public diary, a scream out into the great abyss. But lately it has dawned on me that there are some people out there actually reading it. You are reading it! As someone who back in elementary school harboured dreams of being a big fancy writer, I admit that makes me happy. But as someone who has struggled with motherhood and now knows I'm not the only one, it makes me even happier. So if you're out there, leave a comment, drop me an email, let me know.