Day 405: Dumb and dumber

I think that having a baby has made me stupid. This is just now dawning on me – I guess I’ve been too slow to pick up on it. You hear talk of mommy brain, of forgetfulness and general confusion, and while that’s all true, in my case it seems to have gone a lot further. I’ve been dumbed down. Case in point: the other day I was in the car singing along to “Apples & Bananas” - Maddie wasn’t even with me, I now listen to Raffi on my own – and was having trouble remembering which vowel is next after “i”.

I used to secretly think I was a pretty intelligent girl. That’s not something you just come out and say to people. If someone tells you you’re smart the appropriate response is to laugh it off, not agree with them. But quietly, on my own, I did agree. Some girls are funny, some are outgoing, some have a great rack. I was the smart one. Note the past tense.

I used to read newspapers. I used to have some clue as to what was happening in the community, the country, the world. Now… not so much. I hear talk of this global warming thing. I know there’s still a war going on. Apparently the Prime Minister has a new stylist. That’s pretty much where my quest for knowledge hits the wall. And the sad part is, not only do I not know anything, but most days I don’t even care. Shouldn’t having a baby have made me more concerned about the future since Maddie will be living in it? Shouldn’t I be less apathetic? Shouldn’t I be joining MADD or Greenpeace? Shouldn’t I be out signing petitions or chaining myself to a tractor somewhere? Sadly, right now, it all just seems like so much work.

I don’t really know why it has happened. It would be easy to say I just don’t have the time, but that’s not really true. I seem to find the time to watch Grey’s Anatomy and read US Weekly every week, so I’m pretty sure I could squeeze in a newscast if I wanted to. The best case scenario is that Maddie sapped some smarts out of me while she was hanging out in the womb; at least then they’d have gone to a good cause.

I am holding on to faint hope that this is just temporary lull brought on by this past crazy year, that my mind hasn’t packed up and abandoned me for good. Maybe this weekend I will test the waters and turn on CNN for a while. Baby steps, right?