Day 341: "Baby beluga in the deep blue... DAT!"

I put away the baby milestone book several months ago. The one that says: "Your baby is 13 weeks old. She loves independent films and is just starting to do simple algebra. You love every second you spend with her." The one that made me break out in hives every time I realized Mads and I were missing our milestones. Maybe it's the nostalgia brought on by next week's big birthday, maybe it's the fact that I finally got around to dusting the bookshelf, but I brought the book out of hibernation tonight.

Things were going okay: Crawling - check! Eating - check! Temper tantrums - check! I was feeling good about things. Then we got to this: "She may fill in a word you leave out when singing her favourite song." Um... say what? I suppose she might do that if she knew how to say any words. I knew we were a bit behind on the whole language thing, but I didn't realize she was supposed to be reciting lyrics. So of course after reading this I sat down with Maddie and broke into my painfully bad rendition of Baby Beluga, optimistically waiting for her to chime in. But no. All I got, as always, was an enthusiastic "Dat!", which seems to be her word for: Dad, Mom, food, dog, toy, poo, bed, song, tv & play. So basically everything in her little world. And so the book is in now packed away in a grocery bag, soon to make its way to the consignment store where it will no doubt be picked up by some poor, unsuspecting pregnant woman and will then become the bain of her existence and the root of all her self-doubt.

I really enjoyed reading everyone's emails and comments, you all are so sweet. I wish I had some great advice for you new moms. I hear that some moms love it from day one. I, of course, didn't. And if you don't either, all I can say is I feel your pain. I think part of what makes those first months so hard is that you go into them totally unprepared. It is overwhelming and as a FTM (first time mom) the end is nowhere in sight. It's not even that I think it should be easy; after all, the most important things are often difficult. But, really, couldn't someone at least warn us? Now, people will tell you that motherhood is hard, but they're talking about temper tantrums and school suspensions and the "sex talk." No one really tells you about life with a newborn. I used to wonder if it was just a big cruel joke that we all play on innocent new moms, but now I see that over time the memory dulls and fades to the point where it's not worth mentioning. I haven't quite reached that point, of course, but I think I'm on my way. With each day that passes - as your baby smiles, laughs, reaches out for you, learns something new - you become a little bit more confident and she becomes a little bit more independent and eventually the two of you meet in the middle. At least that's what happened for Mads and me.

Maybe a good metaphor would be to say that motherhood is a long hike up a big mountain. The first bit really sucks, it's uphill all the way, there are rocks falling on your head, and you are likely to lose your footing. But you keep going, because you can't not. And then you get to a clearing and it's beautiful, and your legs get stronger and your feet more sure and you carry on. And so it goes forever if you're lucky, incredible views, devastating falls, and of course a journey you could never forget.